Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
