the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
