There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
no you cant smoke seaweed
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
