I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
