Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
