love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
