R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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