Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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