I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
