i wish peter jackson would direct porn
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
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