***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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