apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
