at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
