Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
