Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
