dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
