So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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