...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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