I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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