I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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