at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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