No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
