I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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