Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you never un-have a 4some
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
