I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
As shirtless as possible
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
