Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
