i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
