Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
