idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize