the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We need a shit load of segways right now
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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