6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
