At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
