I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We are two peas in an std pod
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
