Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
