Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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