I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize