how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
