and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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