Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize