is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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