We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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