first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
