i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
