homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
