Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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