When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
