I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize