Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
