why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize