there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
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