I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
