U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
