sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
