Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
