bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
