Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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