very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
