I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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