you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
