he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
