i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
