hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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