If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
