Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Found your dick twin last night
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize