They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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