Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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