Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
