Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
