Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
