I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
