She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
