cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i barfeds in our rink
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
