just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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