why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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