I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
