So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
